Wavering

I've reached that point that I always come to when I get this ballet-bee in my bonnet. I'm a little bit chicken. I don't know about this whole plan... it's a little scary. It's much easier to mope and be sad about dancing every few weeks than to put myself through all this again. The difference, though, this time is that I have a tangible, achievable (I think) goal ahead of me. I'm really eager to have a new group of people and a new studio to do all this. This class-at-PNB stuff is way to psychologically challenging. My mother-in-law called me brave for doing it, and, gosh darn it, I think she's right!

I took class on Wednesday at PNB, and the teacher was one of my most frequent instructors back in the day. For those of you who would know, here are a few clues:

• Would let us do the DanceWorks video instead of class
• Always stole our Krispy Kremes
• Likes to watch herself tendue :)

Anyway, I did always like her class, always fun and dancey, so I thought it'd be sort of fun to take from her again. It was; but altogether the experience was a little TOO familiar (right down to me standing at my old place at the barre), and I had to keep from leaving the room crying many times! I managed it. I just really can't handle being surrounded by PD's and level VIII's. It's too close to home. It's too easy to compare myself to the beautifully dancing stick figures all around me and get mopey about how that's what I used to look and feel like.

But, this time, I was able to build a bridge (and get over it). I ain't what I used to be... SO WHAT!? Well, it is sad, but I'm starting to feel like there's no use in crying over spilled milk. Granted, my situation was/is a little more serious than spilled milk, but still. I'm a different dancer now. I tried to enjoy dancing old steps with a different body and new feelings, and for the most part, I did. It's ok that things have changed. In fact, it's GOOD that things have changed. Life experience makes it's way into the productions of the artist. I think the sadness over dance that I've known makes it possible for me to value it in a way that others may not be able. And besides...

I can still developpe side higher than the whole room ;)